Why Balance Doesn’t Work
Rather than seeking a balanced life, take the finite amount of energy you have each day and proportionately invest it into your work, your family, your personal life and your community.
Dandapani explains why he struggles with the word balance and prefers proportionate. You have a finite amount of energy each day, rebuilt while you sleep, and balance implies a 50-50 split that does not work for an entrepreneur and a family man. He asks you to decide what proportion of your energy each priority gets, then get specific about what that proportion actually looks like.
What this talk covers
- You have a finite amount of energy each day: at some point tonight you will be exhausted, and your energy builds back up while you sleep.
- Balance means a scale at 50-50, and as an entrepreneur and a family man there is no 50-50 between work and life.
- Proportionate investment means deciding what share of your finite energy goes to work, family, personal life, community and everything else.
- A percentage is only a number until you define it: 20 percent to family might mean breakfast together, dinner together, putting the kids to bed, then time with your spouse.
- Get specific about how that time is spent, including which friends, which days, and what you actually do together.
Rather than think balanced, I prefer to use the word proportionate.Dandapani
Questions
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Balance implies a scale split 50-50, and Dandapani says that split does not hold for an entrepreneur and a family man. He uses proportionate instead, asking what share of your finite daily energy each part of your life gets.
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Decide the proportion first. If your company takes 70 percent of your energy, you have 30 percent left, and you might give 20 percent to family, then define exactly what that looks like day to day.
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It means taking the finite energy you have each day and deliberately distributing it across the people and things that matter to you, being specific about where each portion goes.
Transcript
766 words · 4:45
I often hear people say we should live a balanced life, or we should strive for finding some kind of work-life balance. I think that word balance is something I struggle with. Rather than think balanced, I prefer to use the word proportionate.
What do I mean by this? I always tell people that we have a finite amount of energy each day. We only have so much energy each day. Why do I say that? Because,
Come some point tonight. I'm going to be exhausted and I have no energy left and I'm gonna say I'm going to bed Depending on how well I sleep my energy builds back up again And then when I wake up in the morning, I have that finite amount of energy that I built up While I was sleeping now, I have to take that energy and not
Divided in the half in a balanced way between work and life because to me that doesn't work as an entrepreneur and a family man. There is no 50-50.
What works to me, what has worked for me in my life, is to take that finite amount of energy and proportionately distribute it or proportionately invest it into my work,
into my family, into my personal life, into my community and everything else. But it's not a bottom balance. Because if you think balance, if you think of a scale and you want to balance a scale,
it's really 50-50. If I have a scale and I put 10 pounds over here and I put 10 pounds over here, I'll make it balance. If there's 50 pounds on this side of the scale and 10 pounds on this side of the scale, it's going to go like this. Well, I think it's like this. But it's not going to be balanced. So it's not about reaching a work-life balance or seeking a balanced life.
Think in terms of proportions. So you have a finite amount of energy each day. How do you want to proportionately invest that energy in your life?
If you're working, you probably spend eight, nine hours a day working. Hopefully you get to sleep 78 hours a day. Now, how are you gonna take the rest of your energy
and invest it into everything else in your life? your spouse, your children, perhaps other family members like your parents or siblings, your friends, your own personal time, your own self care, showering,
eating, maybe exercising, meditating, looking after your home, walking your dog. Always think proportionate, how we proportionally invest our energy
into all our priorities in our life. And those priorities can be people and things and often are people and things. So rather than use the word balance,
rather than try to strive or seek a work-life balance, think proportionate. How will I take my finite energy and proportionally invest it into the things and people
that truly matter to you? For example, if you're proportionally investing your energy into your life, perhaps you're giving 65% of your energy to your work, perhaps you're a business owner
and you're an entrepreneur and your business, your company demands a lot from you. Maybe you're giving 70% of your energy to your company. You have 30% left.
And out of that 30%, maybe you give 20% to your family, not only your spouse and your children, but your parents as well, or other members and close friends that you love.
So what does that 20% look like? You could decide that, take the numerical value of 20%, which is just a number, and say to yourself, 20% to me means that every morning
I'm gonna have breakfast with my family. Every night I'm gonna have dinner with my family. Lunch, I'll have them on my own. And every night I'm gonna put my kids to bed,
and then I'm gonna spend some time with my spouse. How am I gonna spend some time with my spouse? Are we gonna be watching a show together? Are we gonna be having a glass of wine
or sitting on the couch and having a conversation. If I'm spending time with my mom, how am I gonna spend my time with my mom? If I'm spending time with my friends,
how am I gonna spend time with my friends? How often, which days, which friends? And get specific about those things. For me, it's always about proportionate investment
of my energy, my finite energy, into the people and things that I love. but always being specific where I invest this energy.