I’ve been deeply drawn to spirituality ever since I was a young boy, and the one message that was repeated again and again was that the ego is bad. That we must get rid of the ego. If you want to be spiritual, you cannot have an ego. I adopted this message. I knew no better.
It wasn’t until I met my guru that he gave me a completely different way of understanding the ego—one that changed how I approached my spiritual path.
He shared with me that the ego is our personality. Everyone has one. As long as we have a name, preferences, likes, and dislikes, we have an ego. To be human is to have a personality, and your personality is your ego.
The goal, he shared, was to cultivate a positive ego. A positive ego is a refined personality. It is someone who is kind, who seeks to understand, who shows empathy and compassion, who treats others equally, who looks for solutions, and who uplifts everyone they meet.
That is a positive ego.
The word “ego” has such a negative connotation because it has always been looked at as something bad. Webster’s defines ego as “the self, especially as contrasted with another self or the world,” and Oxford adds, “a person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance; a sense of personal identity.”
So, the goal on the spiritual path is not to get rid of the ego. The goal is to cultivate a positive ego.
My guru’s teaching freed me from years of confusion. I realized that trying to get rid of the ego is not only impossible—it is unnecessary. What is required is conscious cultivation.
Each of us has the ability to shape our ego every single day. Every thought, every word, every action contributes to the kind of personality we are building. You can choose to build an ego that is harsh, critical, and self-serving—or one that is humble, kind, and uplifting.
The choice is yours.
So how do we begin this cultivation? With small, practical steps. Ask yourself throughout the day:
- How can I respond to this situation in an uplifting way?
- Can I be kinder and gentler with my words?
- Can I show more understanding and patience in my behavior?
- Can I treat this person the way I would like to be treated?
Imagine a master carpenter planing and sanding a piece of hardwood until it is smooth like glass. Or a lapidarist cutting and polishing a raw gem until it becomes a masterpiece. Similarly, the mystic shapes the ego. One can do so in many ways. One way is to establish guiding principles in our lives—guidelines to steer us and practices to cultivate a higher, more evolved, and mature nature.
This is the work of refinement. Done consistently, it transforms the ego into a positive force. And when your personality is uplifting, your life becomes uplifting—for you and for everyone around you.
Remember: spirituality is not about destroying who you are. It is about becoming the highest version of who you are.
Don’t fight the ego, for you’re only fighting yourself. Instead, work with it. Shape it. Refine it. Let it be the personality of a person who lives humbly, speaks kindly, and treats others with empathy and compassion—one who seeks the betterment of all, including the environment and all life forms.
That is an ego worth cultivating.
