How to Teach Your Kids to Focus
Teach a child the mechanics of the mind first, that they are not the mind but a ball of light moving within it, because you cannot steer something until you understand how it works.
Dandapani explains how he teaches children to focus: first the simple model of the mind as a vast space of areas and awareness as a glowing ball of light, then a weekly exercise where he walks his daughter through memories so she can feel her awareness move. Once she understands the mechanics, focus becomes something she can name and practise, including when someone at school says something mean.
What this talk covers
- You teach focus and then you role model it, rather than expecting a child to pick it up by witnessing alone.
- The mind is a vast space with areas such as anger, food, jealousy, happiness and photography, and awareness is a glowing ball of light travelling within it, so going to the anger area lights it up and you experience anger without being anger.
- The takeaway a child needs is that they are not the mind, they are awareness moving within the mind, and at any moment either they control where the ball of light goes or the people and things around them do.
- He has his daughter lie on the carpet with her eyes closed, brings her awareness into the room, then to a holiday in Mexico, then to a grandmother who was unwell, then back to the room, and after a few weeks she takes him on the journey instead.
- Once she knows the mechanics she can answer for herself what a mean comment at school is doing, that someone is taking her ball of light to an upset area of the mind, and that she can move it somewhere else.
Because if you don't understand the mechanics of how something works, it's very hard to control and steer it.Dandapani
Questions
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Start with the mind, not with the instruction to concentrate. Teach them that the mind is a space with different areas and that awareness is a ball of light moving through it. Once they understand the mechanics, focus can be defined for them as keeping the ball of light on one thing.
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Have them lie on the carpet, eyes closed, and notice the room, the carpet on their back, the sound of the air conditioning. Then talk about a happy memory like a family holiday, then a sadder one, then come back to the room. They feel their awareness travel. After a few weeks, ask them to take you on the journey.
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He uses the vocabulary he has taught her, asking whether she can bring her awareness back to the conversation. She uses the same words back to him when his awareness drifts.
Transcript
986 words · 4:35
How do you teach somebody focus? Right? Like, so now I'm going to take this back to my sixth year. Let me like, now I'm not going to yell at you to sit down and eat dinner.
I'm going to show you how we're going to sit down and eat dinner. Do you, do you teach someone focus or do they have to learn focus through witnessing? No, you teach and then you role model.
So the way I teach kids how to focus as you have, you have to learn about the mind first, because we focus with our mind and the simple way of understanding the mind is I just, there are two things. as the mind and awareness.
And I'll give an example for kids. So, I mean, anyone listening can teach the kids. So I look at the mind as a vast space with many different areas.
One area of the mind is anger, food, jealousy, happiness, joy, photography, technology, farming, whatever. And awareness is a glowing ball of light. And you are pure awareness traveling within the mind.
So if I go to the anger area of the mind, it lights up that area and I experience being angry. Am I angry? No, I'm in an area of the mind called anger.
Now I can move awareness out of there and go to the happier of the mind. When I go to the happier of the mind, I experience being happy. So what's the takeaway? The takeaway is I'm not the mind.
I'm awareness moving within the mind. So critical. Two things completely distinct. Now the second part of this is at any given point in time, I'm
controlling where my ball of light is going or my environment, the people and things around me is controlling. So you come up to me, Matt, and you say, don't upon your shawls, ugly. No, I can let you take my awareness to an upset area of the mind,
but if I had enough control over it, I could keep my awareness in a happier place. Oh, what a great opportunity to go shopping today. You know, thanks for the suggestion. Once you understand the mechanics of awareness in the mind,
that the mind doesn't move, that awareness moves within the mind. That's the first thing you want to teach your kid. And I'll share a simple example on how to do this. So I get my daughter or kids when I teach kids to lay down in a carpet in a room.
Close your eyes. Take a few deep breaths. Can you feel the carpet on your back? Yes. Can you hear the humming of the air conditioning? Yes. Do you hear noises outside? Yeah. So now the awareness is in the room. Then I say, do you remember last summer when we went to Mexico on the holiday? How great was that? Oh, so great. I love the food. I love the donkey ride we went on. So awareness has left the room and it's gone to an area of the subconscious where the vacation stayed. So we stayed there for a few minutes talking about the vacation.
Then I said, do you remember last spring when grandma was taken, she wasn't feeling well. So now awareness leaves Mexico and goes to see grandma and she gets a little sad. And then we come back to the room and we talk about the room again. So what have I done? I've taken my daughter on a journey through the mine to different
experiences from the room, which is kind of neutral to the Mexico holiday, which was very happy to grandma being sick, not a bit sad. And every week I do this exercise with her. Then after a few weeks I say to her,
can you take me on a journey in the mind? So he goes like, oh dad, can you feel a cup in your back, the room? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Do you remember last week when you came back and mom was really upset with you? It's like, yes, I did, thank you for reminding me. You know, we talk about that
and then she'll talk about something else. And then she takes me on a journey through the mind. Now she's learning the mechanics of how the mind works. Now I say to her, when you go to school
and someone says something mean to you. What are they doing? Dad is taking my awareness, my ball of light to an upset area of the mind.
Okay, what do you need to do? I need to move it to a different area of the mind. I don't have to let them take it near that. Great.
Because if you don't understand the mechanics of how something works, it's very hard to control and steer it. And that simple understanding that you're not the mind
rather your awareness moving within the mind is the fundamental basis of learning how to concentrate. Once they get this down, then I can say,
focus is your ability to keep your ball of light on dad when dad's speaking to you. As soon as your ball of light goes somewhere else and you're looking at dad but you're
thinking about something else, your ball of light moves somewhere. Now you need to bring your ball of light back. And then I use the right words, because I'm
very big on using the right words, and defining it for everyone. So I'll say to her, if she's distracted, hey, sweetheart, can you bring your awareness back
to our conversation? And she says that to me too sometimes, you know, that you can distract her, you can bring your awareness. Where's your awareness going?
Like somewhere. So now she knows what focus is. Focus is keeping that ball of light on one thing.