Role Model for Your Kids No Phones No Distractions
Children learn attention from what they see, so keep the phone away and give them your undivided attention every time you are with them.
Asked how he raises a daughter in a distracted world, Dandapani says he role models it. His phone is not on the table when he is with her, he has a zero tolerance policy for distraction even with friends, and he explains what undivided attention communicates to a child in terms of energy and love.
What this talk covers
- He gives his daughter his undivided attention and never has his phone out when he is with her, except when they deliberately watch something together.
- If both her parents give her undivided attention every time they interact with her, that becomes all she knows.
- He holds a zero tolerance policy for distraction, and will ask a friend who pulls out a phone mid-conversation to put it away.
- Looking at your phone while talking to your child tells her you do not value her time, her energy or what she has to say, and where awareness goes energy flows, so the moment his awareness moves to the phone she stops feeling his love even though he is still sitting there.
- It is not hard to do, but you have to want it, and most people talk about it without acting on it.
And I have a zero tolerance policy for distraction.Dandapani
Questions
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Dandapani's approach is role modelling. His phone is never on the table when he is with his daughter, so undivided attention is simply what she grows up knowing.
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That you do not value their time, their life, their energy or what they have to say to you. Giving undivided attention tells them instead that they are the most important person in the room.
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Where awareness goes, energy flows. When your awareness stays on your child, your energy flows towards them and they feel it. When it moves to your phone, they no longer feel it, even though you are physically there.
Transcript
572 words · 2:49
One thing that's top of mind for me, so we both have daughters, you know, this distraction world that we live in, it just seems so pervasive. I mean, I don't even know how, but my daughter is obsessed when she sees a phone out touching the screen.
And so how have you thought about as a parent just kind of instilling some of these things in your children? My role modeling, you know, I give my daughter my undivided attention whenever I'm with her. I don't pull out my phone.
It's never sitting on the table when I'm spending time with her. Unless we're both looking at that candy maker that we follow on Instagram that makes like this cotton candy that's, you know, my daughter and I like to watch together. That's when we grab the phone.
But if not, it's just not part of our life at all, you know? So then that's all she knows, because if her mom and dad give her the undivided attention every time they interact with her, what else does she know? If I told her the earth was flat, that's all she'd grow up believing.
And I have a zero tolerance policy for distraction. So even if we have close friends come over and we're having a conversation, my friend's pulling out the phone while I'm talking to them, I'll just say, put it away, you know, or go home.
I want to sit here and watch you stroke your phone, you know, does nothing for me. And also I'm basically telling my daughter at that point, if I'm with my daughter and I'm on my phone, looking at my phone and talking to her, that I don't value her time. I don't value her life, her energy, what she has to say to me.
By giving her my undivided attention, I tell her right that moment she is the most important person in the room. She feels my love, where awareness goes, energy flows, right? That's the quote by my guru.
I can keep my awareness on her, my energy is flowing towards her, and she feels all my love coming towards her. And she knows, oh, my dad loves me. And as soon as my awareness moves to my phone, that's why my energy is flowing, and she doesn't
feel it anymore. Even though I'm there physically with her, my energy is flowing somewhere else. And once they realize that and they want that, right? And ultimately, they want your love, especially as a young child.
So that's what she knows. Yeah. Beautiful man. Beautiful and very inspiring.
So thank you for sharing that. And it's not hard to do. We just must desire it first. needs to be something we want to do in our life. And most people don't want it, honestly,
Scott. They talk about it and say things, but they don't act on it. That's why it's so important to simplify our life to a few things, you know? Just stop reading so many books and pick a few things and just start practicing it so you can actually be good at something, right? Because you can read every... I can tell you people that can tell me about the mind better than I
me, you know, but can you practice it? That's my question and practice it well and be really, really good at it.