The Gift of Attention
You cannot be present with someone until you can focus, because presence is simply keeping your awareness on the person in front of you without letting it stray.
Dandapani takes the familiar advice to be in the moment and gives it a mechanism: presence is what happens when you can hold your awareness on one person. He describes the experience of sitting with someone who is physically there and mentally gone, and asks you to build focus so you can give the people who matter to you your undivided attention.
What this talk covers
- There are many quotes telling you to be in the now, but the way you actually do it is by learning to focus.
- You can be physically present with someone and mentally absent, nodding and giving simple subconscious responses while your awareness has left the room.
- Learning to focus is the first step in being present.
- When you give someone your undivided attention you are telling them, without any words, that right now they are the most important person to you.
- Where awareness goes, energy flows, so when your awareness stays on the person you are with, they feel your energy and know they matter to you.
But I can't be present if I can't focus.Dandapani
Questions
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Keep your awareness on the person in front of you without letting it stray to other areas. Presence is the result of focus, so learning to focus is the first step.
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They are physically present but mentally absent. The subconscious can nod and give simple responses while their awareness has long left the meeting and is indulging in something else in their mind.
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Give them your undivided attention. When your awareness is on them, that is where your energy is flowing, and they know that they matter to you without you having to say it.
Transcript
442 words · 2:52
One of the greatest gifts you can give someone is to be present. How do we be present? Now there's a lot of quotes online that you'll find say be in the moment, be in the now, be present. How do you actually do this? You do this when you can actually focus. If I can give you my undivided attention, I can keep my awareness on you without it straying to
to different areas, can give you my undivided attention. I'm being focused. And when I'm focused, I'm being present. But I can't be present if I can't focus.
I can be physically present. I'm always physically present with whoever I am, but I could be mentally absent. How many times have you sat with someone?
They're physically in front of you, and you know their awareness has wandered off. They're nodding their head subconsciously. They've trained their head to go,
hmm, that's, wow, that's quite fascinating. Yes, right. And they can even give simple responses subconsciously. Their subconscious can give simple responses.
But you know, they're not even there. They're not even listening. Their awareness has long left this meeting and it's indulging in something else in their mind
being anywhere but right here. So learning to focus is the first step in being present. And for me, giving the people that I love, that are important to me, my undivided attention,
is so important to me. Because when I can give them my undivided attention and I can be completely focused on them, I'm telling them, right this moment,
right now in our gathering, you are the most important person to me. Nothing else matters. Yes, I have 20 other things that I need to get done that are priorities that are important,
but right now, you are the most important thing. I am completely here. I am completely here, not only physically, mentally, emotionally, energetically, and completely here because I can focus. So now I tell them without even saying in any words who they are matters to me. What What they say matters.
Their opinions matter. They feel my presence because when my awareness is on them, that's where my energy is flowing. Remember that beautiful quote from my Guru, where awareness goes, energy flows. If I can keep my awareness on the person I'm with, that's where my energy is flowing.
They feel my energy. They know I'm right here, right now, with them. And they know that they matter to me and that they're important to me. It's one of the greatest ways to show your love for the people that matter in your life.