Don’t Ask “How Are You”
When you ask someone how they are, you have given them permission to tell you everything, so only ask when you actually want to know.
Dandapani grew up in Australia and picked up the habit of greeting people with how are you. Over the years he noticed that the question is an open invitation, and that if the person is not uplifting you have just given them permission to empty their emotions onto you. He suggests replacing the habit with a conscious, neutral greeting.
What this talk covers
- Greeting people with how are you is usually a habit pattern rather than a conscious choice.
- If you ask, the person may tell you, and if they are not uplifting you have literally given them permission to dump their emotions on you.
- If you do not want to know, do not ask.
- A neutral greeting works instead, such as good morning or a remark about the day, said sincerely and kindly.
- Being conscious of what you say and ask when you meet someone helps you preserve your energy and channel it to who and what matters in your life.
If you don't want to know, don't ask.Dandapani
Questions
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Because it gives that person permission to respond fully, in whatever way they choose, and you should be prepared to hear all of it. If you do not want to know, do not ask.
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Something neutral, sincere and kind. Good morning, good afternoon or good evening, or a simple remark about the day.
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An open question can invite someone to unload on you. Being conscious about what you ask helps you preserve your energy and channel that preserved energy to who and what matters in your life.
Transcript
380 words · 2:14
I grew up in Australia, and one of the common things you will hear Australians saying when they see somebody is asking, how's it going, mate? And asking how are you? And I kind of got into the habit of doing that myself. And when I'd see someone, I'd go, how you doing? Or how's it going? And over the years, I've realized that if you ask somebody, how are
you, then they might tell you how they're doing. And if that person you're asking is not an uplifting person and they are dumping their emotions onto you, then you've literally given them permission to do so because you ask them, how are you? If you don't want to know, don't ask. But it's so often we can get into a habit pattern of saying things,
asking things out of habit rather than being conscious about what we're asking. So maybe When you meet somebody now, instead of saying, how are you to a stranger? You could say, good morning, good afternoon,
good evening, isn't it a beautiful day here? It is, look, the sun's out, it's lovely out here, a little humid, but good. But you don't have to ask, how are you?
I've noticed this all over the world. When people often, when they greet each other, they greet each other with how are you? And most often they do that out of habit.
So what's the takeaway here? The takeaway is here, let's be conscious about what we're saying when we meet somebody and what we're asking as well.
So if we ask how are you, then you've given that person permission to respond fully in whatever way they choose to. And you should be prepared to hear everything.
Now, if you don't want to hear all of that, then change your question or change your statement. Reply with something very neutral, but being sincere and kind and uplifting at the same time as well.
Like with the statement of good morning or good afternoon, for example. So be conscious about what you're saying, be conscious about what you're asking whenever you interact with someone. It'll help you preserve your energy and take that preserved energy
and channel it to who and what matters in your life.