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Dealing with Disappointment
To expect to go through life without disappointment is delusionary. Disappointment is a part of life. It is a part of life until we start to shift our perspective on disappointment. Disappointment comes when our expectations are not met. When we have invested so much in something or someone and it does not work out. When something we love does not go the way we hoped it would go. When we encounter failure. I don’t think I need to elaborate on this. I’m sure you, like me, can make a long list of disappointments you’ve had in life.
Over the years I’ve worked to adjust my relationship with disappointment. And I’m still working on it. A simplified way is to view the process in two steps. Effort or action and outcome.
We can control the action. That we can do. The effort we put into something or into someone can be completely controlled by us.
The outcome is not always, if ever, controllable. You can have the ultimate game plan but something could go wrong or change and this can affect the outcome you had hoped for.
Keeping both of these in mind (action and outcome), what I continue to work on is to focus on the action and be affectionately detached from the outcome. I do my best to define my outcomes clearly. Then I focus completely on the action knowing that my actions will lead to the outcome I’ve planned for. Now, I think that my actions will lead to the outcome I’ve planned for but unless I’ve done it before it may not be the case.
If my outcome is different than what I had expected then it is an opportunity for me to really reflect on my actions and see if they were the right actions. It is also a great learning opportunity and I can ask myself questions such as “What can I learn from this?”, “What do I need to do differently?”
Now to be affectionately detached from the outcome is a practice not for everyone.
To be attached is to feel the pain of detachment.
And when we are attached, the pain of detachment is unavoidable.
To be “affectionately detached” is a phrase my guru coined. To be affectionately detached is monastic and best practiced by those who have chosen a more extreme path – extreme relative to the average person.
But that said, we can all work on incorporating various levels of “affectionate detachment” in our lives.
So work to shift your perspective on disappointment and you will be able to better manage how much of it you experience in life.
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Why you need a goal in Meditation
A question that I get asked quite often is, “Do you need a goal in meditation or can you just sit down and pretty much go for it?” Well, meditation is a process just like a lot of other things that we do in our life and having a goal is extremely helpful. And with…
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Focus Misconceptions
There are so many misconceptions surrounding focus. These misconceptions often lead people to have a very skewed or misinformed perspective on focus thus shunning it as a possible quality to cultivate in life. I’ll pick a couple of them and hope to dispel these misconceptions here. Firstly, one o...
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Over 100 FREE Self-Help Videos
This week’s post is different from the ones I have posted in the past. I want to bring your attention to my YouTube channel. Many of you may not be aware of it but it is a place that I upload videos to every week. You’ll find a little over a hundred videos on the…
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Why we struggle to change!
“Have compassion for yourself. We all fail. We all screw up. Sometimes multiple times. As long as you are firmly resolved to overcome your shortcomings and never give up in striving to change those subconscious patterns you detest then victory is assured, for those patterns are no match against y...
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The Truth Behind Change
Personal change requires a degree of sacrifice at some level. To get something new you have to give up something old. For instance, if you want to update the look of your living room, you might start by buying some new furniture. To make room for the new furniture, you have to get rid of…
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Conversations on the Spiritual Path
To those of you who took the time to respond to my weekly email and share your thoughts and questions with me…thank you! After my long hiatus, it’s nice to hear what is on your mind. This allows me to direct my emails in a direction that hopefully is beneficial to your needs. Now, I…
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