“When you have a moment, can you please pay the school fees for the next semester, Steve.” You say this to your spouse as he is browsing something on his phone at the kitchen island while you are preparing dinner.
Steve hears his name at the end of the sentence, which brings his awareness to attention and he looks up at you having missed most of the first part of what you said. He responds with, “What did you say, John?” And you reply, annoyed at how he has not been listening again, and say, “I said, when you have a moment can you please pay the school fees for the next semester!”
The issue here is that Steve was not aware you were speaking to him. He was engrossed in his phone while you were speaking to him. It could have been a book…it really does not matter what he was absorbed in. The bottom line is that he had no idea you were talking to him. You assumed since he was sitting right across from you at the kitchen island that he would hear everything you say.
Always bring awareness to attention first.
The first step, in such a situation - in most situations, is to bring one’s awareness to attention. How do we do this?
We do this by re-structuring the question. “Steve, [pause] when you have a moment can you please pay the school fees for the next term.” When you say his name and pause for a moment, you are bringing his awareness to attention. You essentially are pulling his awareness out of what it was absorbed in and moving it to you. When his awareness is on you then you can carry on with your sentence. Sometimes you may need to repeat his name twice….even thrice as one may do with kids.
Always bring awareness to attention first. Once you have their awareness shifted from what they were absorbed in to you, then deliver the message. So many people are perpetually frustrated because they deliver a message not realizing the other party does not even know that they are the recipient of it.
Another example. You are in the kitchen and you shout out to your kid in the living room and ask, “Would you like another slice of toast and more juice, Ravi?” The chances of your son hearing the entirety of what you said is quite low. It would be better to bring his awareness to attention first. You do this by calling his name. “Ravi!” No response.
“Ravi!”
“Yes mom?”
Now deliver your message!
